Love and Loving Relationships
You will never be genuinely satisfied anywhere, with anyone unless you are satisfied with yourself; most people are not.
Learn the truth and be loved, loving, satisfied, happy and contented.
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Red birds pair up for a lifetime. From observing them, it is obvious they are satisfied and content together ... |
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the way men and women would be if they did one simple thing ... the one thing everyone wants to do ... the only thing that will bring us genuine happiness and contentment ... that is living in agreement with nature ... the same thing as living in agreement with truth. |
[Note: This is a picture of red birds at the John Oliver historic log cabin in the Cades Cove area of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park Fred Weiser, Wild Life Artist, Townsend, Tennessee]
Birds don't know anything about the importance of communication in relationships as advocated by some teachers and writers. They simply live in agreement with truth and nature, and they communicate openly, freely, honestly and truthfully something we will never really do totally honest, totally truthful and genuinely loving, until we discover who we are until we free ourselves of obscure, insidious fears and deeply held false beliefs.
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About 300 years BC, Zeno said, "The goal of life is living in agreement with nature." Montaigne said, "Let us give Nature a chance; she knows her business better than we do." |
In our fractured, troubled society, about half of marriages end in divorce, and a vast majority of the couples who remain together are basically unhappy and dissatisfied.
We as a society are losing sight of the type of loving, lasting, satisfying relationships we all crave ... the type of love expressed the in the lines of a poem, Annabel Lee, by Edgar Allan Poe:
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"We
loved with a love that was more than love. ...
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This also describes the type of relationship described in the Bible: "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh?"'
It is a sad commentary on our society, but many men and women in our society are not capable of cleaving and bonding in a lasting relationship. Fears, resistance, and the need to maintain control render many people incapable of bonding. And a person who is capable of bonding cannot bond to one who is incapable.
It is significant to note that the hidden cause of our frustrations and conflicts in our loving, romantic relationships is the same cause of our problems in our everyday encounters with others. However, we are emotionally impacted in a more personal and intense manner in our relationship with the one who matters the most.
In our everyday encounter with others, we label people as being a bastard, a real bitch, as being self-righteous, angry, hostile, jealous, envious, arrogant, egotistical, and on and on and on. We simply chalk people off the list of anyone with whom we wish to associate, and we keep our psychological distance from them.
We fail to realize that the fault in others that irritates us only irritates us because we have the same fault within ourselves. Thus, we are alienated from ourselves and alienated from others keeping our psychological distance and end up lonely in a nation of over 200 million people.
Jung said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Many people have no inkling of the type of loving, satisfying relationship that they are missing. They have never experienced one and have no basis for comparison. At all times they have an uneasy sense of something missing, and they keep blaming their restlessness, discontent, and dissatisfaction on something outside themselves. They have a void in their life and are continually trying to find something to fill the void. The only thing that will fill the void in our lives is living in agreement with truth and nature.
Unfortunately, pitifully and painfully, many marriage relationships in our society are loveless relationships as described by a woman in an encounter group. She confessed that both she and her husband recognize their relationship for what it is, a business arrangement for convenience.
Our false, ego self is far too clever, illusive, defensive, and deceiving to let us communicate openly, honestly, and truthfully ... to let us communicate from our true, honest self.
Often, when we think we are being truthful, we are not. Shakespeare said, "To thine own self be true, and as night follows day, thou can then be false with no man."
If we are not honest with ourselves a prerequisite for being honest with others we really cannot be anything that is really worth anything that contributes to a loving, lasting, satisfying relationship.
Regardless of how much you pretend and regardless of how great your achievements might appear to be, you will never be genuinely satisfied anywhere, with anyone, and no one will be satisfied with you unless you are satisfied with yourself ... unless you are living and loving in harmony with truth and nature.
Deep inside, we all want to be satisfied with ourselves. After all, we will never really be satisfied anywhere, with anyone, and no one will really be satisfied with us if we are not satisfied with ourselves.
Being satisfied with ourselves is one of the greatest contributions we can make to a loving, satisfying relationship. We are satisfied with ourselves when are living in harmony with truth and nature.
When we free ourselves from obscure fears and deeply held false beliefs, we are in harmony with truth and nature.
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Living in agreement with truth and nature is the secret to loving, lasting, satisfying relationships.
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If we are not living in harmony with truth and nature, we are living a lie. No one is satisfied and happy living a lie.
Words that are used rather frequently in counseling circles are "communication" and "commitment." If you are honest and truthful if you are living in agreement with truth and nature you will have no need to be concerned about communication and commitment. You will naturally communicate openly, effectively, and honestly ... and most often without words. And you will naturally be committed to the one you loveall in agreement with our true nature.
When we are basically unhappy and dissatisfied, typically we place undue demands and expectations subtly and otherwise on our mate ... trying to get him or her to say and do those things that will satisfy us and make us happy ... to satisfy us and make us emotionally secure. In one manner or another, typically we blame our mate for our unhappiness and dissatisfaction ... and for any problems in the relationship.
We are never angry, depressed, frustrated, unhappy, disgusted, or dissatisfied never in a negative mood for the reasons that our false ego self has us thinking we are. What do we usually do when we are dissatisfied and unhappy? Typically, we blame something or someone other than ourselves.
- The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves. Shakespeare
- Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Emerson
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People do not make us angry, dissatisfied and unhappy. We do not hate others because of what they have said or done.
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This is a difficult idea for many to grasp, but if you think about it with an open mind, it becomes clear how true this is.
We hate and we become angry because we are the way we are ... not because others are the way they are. We react the way we react because of something within us ... because of the way we believe and think in our heart (our subconscious mind).
What makes us feel frustrated and disgusted is the negative, destructive, disgusting thoughts we are thinking. We think negative, destructive, disgusting thoughts because of something hidden in our subconscious mind ... because of obscure, insidious fears and deeply held false beliefs.
A common myth in our troubled society is that you have to work at a relationship to make it work. If you are having to work at a relationship to make it work, what you are really doing is striving to stay together whether or not you are happy, satisfied, and contented.
Problem relationships not satisfying relationships require tremendous energy and time to help a couple cope and remain together ... to be pacified but not satisfied.
There is no stress, struggle, and strain no working to make a relationship work when people are satisfied with themselves and are living in agreement with truth and nature ... when they rid themselves of obscure fears, deeply held false beliefs ... and let things be the way they are supposed to be ... the way things would be if they were satisfied with themselves.
TIME has an article in its October 6, 1997, issue about a new controversial book, Should You Leave? The author of the book, Peter Kramer, answers the question thusly: "The solution is not to leave the other nor to strive to change the other. The solution is to grow."
The ultimate of personal growth is to know ourselves ... to know the truth that sets us free ... free from fear and free to live in agreement with truth and nature. Knowing ourselves and knowing the truth that sets us free are one and the same ... we cannot know ourselves without knowing truth, and vice versa.
Anything that you might do (any help that you might get from books and counselors) that does not help you to express life in agreement with your true self in agreement with truth and nature will bring only a superficial sense of satisfaction ... something to pacify, but not to satisfy ... something to help you to cope and to endure your dissatisfaction and discontent, rather than being loving, happy, satisfied and contented and rather than enjoying loving, lasting, satisfying relationships.
In summary, deep inside, we all want to be satisfied with ourselves, which is a prerequisite for loving, lasting, satisfying relationships. We are satisfied with ourselves when are living in harmony with truth and nature.
When we free ourselves from obscure fears and deeply held false beliefs, we are in harmony with truth and nature, and we simply let things be the way they are supposed to be ... the way that nature programmed things to be. And the way nature programmed things to be is for men and women to unite in loving, lasting, satisfying relationships ... deep inside what everyone wants.
[Note: This article is an adaptation from the book, "Listening to Ourselves - The Key to Everything that matters," by the author of this page.]
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Must reading!
Power of Love Know this to be true: Love has the potential for bringing us, our families, our nation the entire world peace, joy, happiness, and harmony if we understood, believed, and did what Jesus and other biblical teachers said. How do we learn to love? You will find the answer in this essay.
Also, know this to be true: The Gospel that Jesus commanded his disciples to preach to every creature in the world would bring peace, joy, happiness and harmony to ourselves, our families, our nation the entire world if people believed and did what Jesus said.
You could study the Bible and listen to sermons all your life and never discover the truth that sets you free, if you do not do what Jesus and Isaiah said. To learn the truth about the gospel that Jesus preached and what other biblical teachers said, visit the site: Peace, Truth, Love, and Joy
Learn the truth! The Satan within us is the hidden cause of all mental turmoil and suffering (crime, violence, anger, anxiety, jealousy, child abuse, spousal abuse, the breakup of families, psychosomatic illness, and on and on and on). We free ourselves from Satan by discovering the truth that makes us free. Jesus said, Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32). |
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To return to the beginning of this web site articles of special interest click here Information of possible interest: If you would like to know about the author of this website and books he has written, click here If you would like to know what others have said about the authors previous writings, click here
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To learn to truth about the truth that makes us free, click here: Peace, Truth, Love, and Joy
Copyright © 19962008 by Dwight Nichols